Dumb Blonde Jokes (Set 2)

A state trooper pulls over a blonde on a lonely back road and says, 'Ma'am, is there a reason why you're weaving all over the road?'

The woman replied, 'Oh officer, thank goodness you're here! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. So, I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. Then, I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!'

The officer reached through the side window to the rear view mirror, and explained, 'Ma'am... that's your air freshener.'


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It was Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the post through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his way with a gift cheque for GBP500.

At the second house they presented him fine Cuban cigars in an 18-carat gold box. The folks at the third house handed him a case of 30-year old Scotch whiskey.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a dumb blonde in her lingerie. She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had enough they went downstairs, where the dumb blonde fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, tomatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and freshly-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed Five Pound Note sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. 'All this was just too wonderful for words,' He said, 'but what's the fiver for?'

'Well,' said the dumb blonde, 'last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, '**** him. Give him a fiver. The breakfast was my idea.'

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blonde woman named Brandi finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial distress. She's so desperate that she prays, 'God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto.'
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Brandi again prays, 'God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well.'

Lotto night comes and Brandi still has no luck. Once again she prays, 'God, why haven't you helped me? I've lost my business, my house and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order.'

Suddenly, there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Brandi is confronted by the voice of God Himself... 'Brandi, meet me halfway on this. Buy a damn ticket!'

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A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o'clock news.

The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge.

The brunette turns to the blonde and says, ' I bet you $50 the man is going to jump. 'The blonde replies, 'Okay you're on.' Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50.

The brunette says, 'I can't accept this money. I watched the 5 o'clock news and saw the man jump then.' 'No, you have to take it,' says the blonde.
'I watched the 5 o'clock news too, but I didn't think he would do it again.'

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In Vegas, a blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins.

She returns and starts feeding the machine madly, and of course the machine keeps popping out the drinks.

Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have a go.

The blonde spins around and shouts in her face: 'Can't you see I'm winning??'


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A guy is having a drink in a very dark bar. He leans over to the big woman next to him and says: 'Do you want to hear a funny blonde joke?' The big woman replies: 'Well, before you tell me that joke, you should know something. I'm blonde, six feet tall, 210 pounds, and I'm a
professional athlete and bodybuilder. Also, the blonde woman sitting next to me is 6'2', weighs 220 pounds and is an ex-professional wrestler. And next to her is a blonde who is 6'5', weighs 245 pounds, and she is a current professional kickboxer. Now, do you still want to tell me that blonde joke?'

The guy thinks about it a second and says: 'Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times.'

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A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher.

'They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, and even the accelerator!' she cries.

The 911 dispatcher says, 'Stay calm. An officer is on the way. He will be there in two minutes.'

Before the police get to the crime scene, however, the 911 dispatcher's telephone rings a second time, and the same blonde is on the line again.

'Never mind,' giggles the blonde, 'I got in the back seat by mistake.'

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A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blonde is really angry.

She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it.'

The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!

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A man was mowing his front yard when his attractive, blonde, female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to her mailbox. She opened the mailbox, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into her house. A little later, she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and again slammed it shut. Angrily back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, the blonde came out again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, 'Is something wrong?'

She replied, 'There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I have mail!'