Dumb Blone Jokes (Set 3)

A blond man comes home from work and hears his wife yelling. He runs up the stairs and finds her in bed naked; the blond asks his wife what's wrong.

She says she's having a heart attack. He runs downstairs to call 911 where he finds his 5 year old son.

The boy cries, 'Daddy, uncle's in the closet naked!'

So the dolt runs back upstairs and opens the closet and sure enough there was his brother naked in his closet.

'I can't believe it!' he yells, 'My wife has an emergency and you're running around scaring the kids!'

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A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of
Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes
in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the
high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the 'no haggle'
attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted,
'Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I
can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!'

The shopkeeper said, 'By all means, be my guest. Maybe
you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!'

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the
swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when
he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the
water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9
foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes
aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort
hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were
several more of the dead creatures.

The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the
blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and
frustrated, shouts, 'Damn, this one isn't wearing any
shoes either!'

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Top Ten Blonde Inventions

1) The water-proof towel

2) Solar powered flashlight

3) Submarine screen door

4) A book on how to read

5) Inflatable dart board

6) A dictionary index

7) Ejector seat in a helicopter

Powdered water

9)Pedal-powered wheel chair

10) Water-proof tea bag


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There was this midwestern phone company that was going to hire one team of telephone pole installers and the boss had to choose between a team of blondes and a team of brown-haired guys.

So the boss said to both teams: 'Here's what we'll do. Each team will be installing poles out on the new road. The team that installs the most poles gets the job.' Both teams headed right out. At end of shift, the brown-haired guys came back and the Boss asked them how many they had installed and they said they'd put 12 in. 45 minutes later, the blondes came back in and they were dragging. The boss said, 'Well, how many poles did you guys install?' The team leader wiped his brow and sighed, 'We got three in.'

The boss gasped, 'Three? Those guys put 12 in!'

'Yeah,' said the blond leader, 'But you should see how much they left sticking out!'

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Julie, the blonde, was getting pretty desperate for money. She decided to go to the nicer, richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handy woman.

The first house she came to, a man answered the door and told Julie, 'Yeah, I have a job for you. How would you like to paint the porch?'

'Sure that sounds great!' said Julie.

'Well, how much do you want me to pay you?' asked the man.

'Is fifty bucks all right?' Julie asked.

'Yeah, great. You'll find the paint and ladders you'll need in the garage.'

The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening. 'Fifty bucks! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?' asked the wife.

'Well, she must, she was standing right on it!' her husband replied.

About 45 minutes later, Julie knocked on the door.

'I'm all finished,' she told the surprised homeowner.

The man was amazed. 'You painted the whole porch?'

'Yeah,' Julie replied. 'I even had some paint left, so I put on two coats!'

The man reached into his wallet to pay Julie.

'Oh, and by the way,' said Julie, 'that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari.'

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A ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain in a small town. He's going through his usual run of off-colour and 'dumb blonde' jokes, when a well-presented blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and shouts: 'I've heard just about enough of your stupid blonde jokes, ! What makes you think that you can stereotype women that way? What connection can a person's hair colour possibly have with their fundamental worth as a human being? It is morons like you that prevent women like myself from being respected at work and in our communities and from reaching our full potential, because you and your anachronistic kind continue to perpetuate negative images against not only blondes, but women in general, for the sakeof cheap laughs. You are a pathetic relic of the past and what you do is not only contrary to discrimination laws in every civilised country, it is deeply offensive to people with modern sensibilities and basic respect for their fellow citizens. You should hang your head in shame, you pusillanimous little maggot.'

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologise, when the blonde yells:'You stay out of this Mister! I'm talking to the little brat on your knee.'

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Three blondes were walking in the woods one day when they saw a set of tracks. They set about arguing over exactly what kind of tracks they were.

The first Blonde said 'I think they're deer tracks'

The second blonde said 'I think they're dog tracks'

The third blonde said 'I think they're cow tracks'.

They were still arguing when the train hit them

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Three women who work in the same office notice
that their female boss has started leaving work early every day, so one
day
they decide that after she leaves, they'll take off early, too.
After all, she never calls or comes back, so how is she to know?

The brunette is thrilled to get home early. She does a little gardening,
watches a movie and then goes to bed early.

The redhead is elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her health
club before meeting a dinner date.

The blonde is also very happy to be home early,
but as she goes upstairs she hears noises coming from her bedroom. She
quietly opens the door a crack and is mortified to see her husband
in bed with HER BOSS!
Ever so gently, she closes the door and creeps out of her house.

The next day the brunette and redhead talk about leaving early again,
but when they ask the blonde if she wants to leave early also, she
exclaims, 'NO WAY! Yesterday I almost got caught!'

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In the hospital's Intensive Care ward, patients always died in the same bed on Friday mornings regardless of their age, gender, medical history or medical conditions. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had to do with the supernatural.

Lead by Senior surgeon, Dr. John, The doctors decided to go down to that ward to investigate the cause of the incidents....

Come Friday morning, everyone at the hospital ward nervously waited for the terrible phenomenon to occur again. The new unknowing patient laid there. Some doctors held wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil......... waiting....the patient was resting peacefully.

Then 8am...... 8:30am..... Just before the 'cursed' time the door to the ward swung open. In comes the blonde part-time Friday cleaner, and unplugs the life support system so that she can use the vacuum cleaner.


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Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet $20,000 on a single roll of the dice.

She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude.'

With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, 'Mama needs new clothes!' Then she hollered . . . 'YES! YES! I WON! I WON!' She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. She then picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'

The other answered, 'I don't know I thought YOU were watching!'

Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men

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Two blondes are new arrivals at the pearly gates, and are comparing Stories on how they had died.

First blonde: 'I froze to death.'

Second blonde: 'Froze to death... how horrible!'

First blonde: 'Well, it wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?'

Second blonde: 'I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den, watching TV.'

First blonde: 'So what happened?'

Second blonde: 'I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere, That I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then went through every closet and checked under every bed. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.'

First blonde: 'Too bad you didn't look in the freezer .. we'd both still be alive.

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Q.How does a blonde turn on a light after having sex?


A.She opens a car door.